Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a 20.00 I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

You Don't Know Jack
This is the story of the saying "You don't know Jack Schitt!", which refers to the other party as not knowing anything about what they are speaking of.

Jack Schitt is the only son of O. Schitt.

O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran the Kneedeep Inn-Schitt.

Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt, and together they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first child, passed on shortly after birth. Next, came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt and then two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt. Their final child, another son, was named Bull Schitt.

In the meantime Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they had a son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens Brothers.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Bird Schitt and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt just married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt and they are expecting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

So now you know the full story of Jack Schitt and his family... just in case someone should ask.

Warning to all dog owners: Watch your dog!

The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout the city. They are falling in great numbers.Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs - KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!