The Three Little Pigs - Italian Style

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs ."

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her
6-year-old son playing with his new
electric train in the living room She heard the
train stop and her son saying, "All of you
sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off
now...cause this is the last stop! And all
of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your
asses in the train...cause we're going
down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We
don't use that kind of language in this
house.
Now I want you to go to your room and you are to
stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come
out, you may play with your train...but I want you
to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and
resumed playing with his train. Soon
the train stopped and the mother heard her son say.
" All passengers, please remember your things, thank
you and hope your trip was a pleasant
one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue..."For those
of you just boarding, remember, there
is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us
today."
As the mother began to smile, the child
added,,,,,,,,,,,,
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO
HOUR delay, please see the bitch in
the kitchen.

There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.'' The other lady asked what she meant.

"Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!"

Little Mary was out with her grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs having sex on the sidewalk.

"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."

"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?"

"How do you mean?" asked the grandmother.

"Offer someone a helping hand," said Mary, "and they screw you every time!"

Comments

A lovely woman decided to visit a penthouse restaurant. So she rode the elevator to the top floor of the building. She had a drink at the bar and then decided to get some fresh air, so she walked out on the balcony. She got too close to the railing and fell over the side. As she was falling about thirteen floors, a man was standing on the balcony below. He reached out his arms and engulfed her, pulling her to his chest. He asked, "Do you fuck?" She answered, “Of course not, What kind of a girl do you think I am? The man opened his arms and said, "sorry!" As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on the balcony, and he reached out, grabbed her in his arms, pulled her to his chest and asked, "Do you suck?" She answered, "Of course not. What kind of a girl do you think I am?" The man opened his arms, and said, "Sorry!" As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony. He reached out, engulfed her with his arms, and pulled her to his chest. Before he had a chance to say anything, she says, "Look, I fuck, I suck, and I'll do anything else you want! He opens his arms and says, "You slut!" .