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LIFE IS NOT ONE BIG JOKE


 LifesLittleJokes(There Goes Easter)
 

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.

The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do? "

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!

The man was astonished.

He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

Posted by Misty at 10:58 AM - 26 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 LifesLittleJokes(Balloon Sex)
 



A kid was taking a shower with his mom and asks, "what are those things on your chest?" Not wanting to answer she changed the subject.



The next day the boy went up to his dad and asked "What are those things on Mommy's chest?" he replied "They are balloons so when Mommy dies they will inflate and she will float to heaven.

A couple weeks later the father comes home early and his son runs out and says "Daddy, Daddy, Mom is dying" the father ask "what are you talking about?"

"Well, Uncle Harry is blowing up her balloons and she's yelling
'Oh God I'm coming'"


Posted by Misty at 9:05 AM - 25 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 LifesLittleJokes(SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY)
 


Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.

The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark! A pistol shot!"

On opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.

The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience, the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words..... "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit.... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...

The audience left howling.....
Posted by Misty at 10:07 AM - 39 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 LifesLittleJokes (They'll Never Learn)
 



Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John.
A poor Ex-Marine with a little fraction gone-
It seems one night after getting with the wife
She Lopped off his Dong with the swipe of a knife

PENIS, That Is.
Clean Cut.
Missed His Nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she came around a bend

CURVE, That is
Tossed the Nub.
In the Shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his Weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

FOUND, That Is
By a Fence.
Evidence.

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doc said, "Hey I can fix that dong."
A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed

WHIZZED, That Is
Even Seam,
Straight Stream

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape

VIDEO, That Is
Unexposed.
Case Closed.

Ya'll Sleep on Your Stomachs Now, Ya Hear......


Posted by Misty at 9:53 AM - 21 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 LifesLittleJokes (THOUGHT FOR THE DAY)
 

JUST REMEMBER IF THE WORLD DIDN'T SUCK WE'D ALL FALL OFF!!!!!!
Posted by Misty at 10:43 AM - 29 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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