One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."



"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.



"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.



It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."



So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.



He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.



Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:



"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."



That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.



He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.



Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.



The computer prints the following:



1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4 Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO.
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your
mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Subject: Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out
of the coverage area of your
mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will
search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112
can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday.
Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the
spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your
cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have
the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile
phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive
your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles
away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you
can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried
it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"
THIRD Subject: Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#
your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50%
increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell
next time.
FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on
your phone: * # 0 6 #.
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your
handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen,
you can phone your service provider and give them this code.
They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes
the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get
your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell
it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people
stealing mobile phones.
And Finally....
FIFTH
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411
information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a
telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of
a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:
(800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
Program this into your cell phone now.